Sensual Massage Tips

Two things that feel damn good: massages and sex. Combine the two for an erotic massage? We’re sold.

And we’re not the only ones—recently, more and more women have sought out the sensual services of erotic massage practitioners. Not only is it a way to experience pleasure and intimacy without having to invest time in dating, but anecdotally, professional yoni massages have proven helpful for women struggling with libido issues, healing from sexual shame, or simply looking to spice up their sex life. While many swear by the practice, if receiving erotic touch from a stranger doesn’t appeal to you or it’s not financially feasible, you can DIY an erotic massage at home with your partner.

Trying something new together can deepen your emotional bond, and the physical benefits abound. “Massage is a great way to roadmap each other’s bodies,” says Jenni Skyler, PhD, an IAPST-certified sex therapist and director of The Intimacy Institute. “It allows you to learn each other’s points of arousal.”

Even if you’ve been with your partner for a long time and know their body well, erotic massage can also be a great way to take your time with foreplay, allowing you to feel more in tune with your body throughout a sexual experience. In fact, relaxation and body awareness has actually been shown to improve sexual arousal in women, according to a study done by the Journal of Sexual Medicine. (All the more reason for a raunchy rubdown!)

So, without further ado, get those fingers ready…

How To Give An Erotic Massage

Massage is an art form that takes years to master, but you can elevate your at-home practice quickly with these expert-approved tips.

1. Set the scene.

Making sure your space feels relaxing and welcoming is equally as important as the massage itself. After all, it’ll be tough for you and your partner to unwind if the room is cluttered or messy, so prepping with a quick cleanup will pay off.

If you’re lucky enough to have a massage table as your disposal, use it. If not, a couch or a bed will do just fine. You can even use a yoga mat on the ground as long as your partner is comfortable with it.

If you really want to get in the mood, make the room reflect it, Rachel Beider, professional massage therapist and owner of PRESS Modern Massage, says. Some instant ways to set the scene:

Overhead light off, ambient lamp lighting on.
Play some soft, calming music in the background (or maybe your sex playlist, perhaps).
Even up the thermostat a bit to keep the room warm, if you’d like. Pick a temperature where you don’t feel freezing laying with your clothes off. But be careful going too hot, as it could cause overheating and/or dehydration.
Put your phone on silent or “do not disturb” mode—there’s no faster mood killer than your mom calling you mid-massage.

2. Oil up.

Consider this your invitation to have a ménage à trois—with massage oil, that is. The added slipperiness enables the giver to create more fluid movements, Skyler says, and it’s less irritating to the skin for the receiver.

Get a high-quality natural option, Beider says, like coconut, jojoba, or grape seed oil. Purchase an unscented oil without extra additives, as you’ll be using it in sensitive places. Feels obvious, but worth noting: Make sure you double check for allergens, as many oils use fruit and nuts as ingredients.

Once you have your oil, warm it up before placing it on your partner’s body. You don’t need to purchase a fancy oil warmer—simply rubbing your hands together before applyingwill do the trick. When it comes to oils, “less is more,” Beider says—so, start with a quarter-sized amount and increase from there if needed.

3. Establish a check-in system.

One of the most simple and effective ways to do this is to establish a rating system from zero to 10, Beider says. Zero means you feel hardly any sensation at all, and 10 means the sensation is too intense.

Keep connected throughout the entire experience, as some parts of the body will feel more tender than others. “You want it to be delicious pain, not scary pain,” Beider says. That also means determining with your partner where on the sensation scale is your cutoff point. For example, if you say 8, that will indicate to your partner that they need to stop (almost like a safe word).

It’s also worth talking to your partner about what areas of your body are no-touch zones. You might have really ticklish feet, for example, or your partner might feel suffocated when pressed too hard on the chest. Set those bodily boundaries before you begin.

4. Start with a “grounding touch.”

Have your partner lie on their stomach, Beider says, then “place your hands on your partner’s back and just hold for a few seconds so you’re making a connection.” Exerting just a bit of physical pressure over a wide area base will help your partner connect a bit more with their body and start to wake up different areas with extra blood flow.

5. Then, use broad, slow strokes to settle your partner into the experience.

This type of stroke is called an “effleurage,” which basically means “long, gliding strokes that are very broad,” says Beider. For example, if your partner is lying on their stomach, start up at their shoulders. Using your palms, glide your hands down their shoulder blades all the way to their low back, and then out to the sides by their hips. Then, return to your starting position, restart the stroke, and this time around, end it a little further up on the sides of their body, near the waist. With the third stroke, finish up over the ribcage, and so on and so forth.

“Keep the movements fluid and intentional,” Beider says, and direct your strokes towards the heart. This technique helps calm the nervous system and promotes blood flow back into the heart to be re-oxygenized, she adds.

In terms of the comfort scale, aim to be at a five or a six here. “We want to warm the body up before we put on too much pressure,” says Beider. Once you’ve done that, you can get a little more intense by stroking downwards with the flat of your palm, and then placing your whole forearm on your partner’s back to create an extra-wide upwards stroke.

6. Slowly work your way towards the limbs.

But don’t just lift your hands and place them there. Progress your way down each extremity. For example, work your way up the back, over the shoulders, and then down the arms. You don’t need to spend too long on the limbs if you only have time for a short erotic massage (unless your partner specifically requested it), but don’t speed through it to get to the good stuff. Don’t neglect the areas like the neck, head, and feet, either. “Engage the whole body, not just the obvious areas,” Beider says.

7. Tease the erogenous zones.

Once you’ve worked through the true massage portion, now you can get to the good stuff.

Start slowly with teasing touches towards the glutes, inner thighs, chest, and other erogenous zones. Light pressure here is all you need (although some people might want more forceful touch—again, check in with your partner about what feels good to them!). Your partner may need to flip over if you want to work on them from the front.

However long you spend on your erotic massage is between you and your partner, but Skyler suggests spending a majority of that time teasing. If your timer is set for 10 minutes, spend six minutes or so playing with these areas, “until the genitals are begging for [touch],” she says. Signs of that include heavy breathing, moaning, and, well, begging for it. Of course, if they don’t explicitly ask you to touch their genitals, you still need to verbally check in with your partner before getting handsy down there. Consent is always sexy, but you can even make it extra hot by asking, “Where do you want me to touch you?”

8. Finally, focus on the genitals.

How you approach massaging the genitals will depend largely on what you want out of the massage itself. If you and your partner are doing it to tempt and tease each other, or to play with edging, you’ll want to keep things slow, and apply light pressure and pace, Skyler says. For example, if you’re massaging someone with a vulva, lightly and slowly circle the clitoris with two of your fingers. If you’re working on a person with a penis, lightly grasp the shaft, slowly move your hand up and down it, and even try circling the lip of the tip with your thumb. Whatever your partner’s anatomy, apply slow and steady pressure to allow desire to build up, Skyler says.

If you and your partner are hoping to massage your way to oragsm, then it’s up to you how you want to finish. Maybe you want to climax straight from the massage itself, in which case you’ll want to come equipped with some tried-and-true fingering and hand job techniques. Or perhaps you plan to use it as foreplay before moving onto oral sex, incorporating sex toys, or going straight to penetrative sex. Either way, this portion of the massage is all about what you both want to get out of the experience, so make sure you’re on the same page before you begin, and check in throughout the massage.

Still not convinced you know what you’re doing? Beducated has several online erotic massage lessons made for the visual learner, Skyler says.

9. Incorporate toys.

There’s so many ways to add toys into your erotic massage. If you and your partner enjoy bondage, you can use handcuffs or rope to restrain the person receiving the massage, Skyler says. Or, you can blindfold them for a more tactile experience. “It can help people surrender into the moment,” she adds.

Once you get to the point of genital massage, you can bring in other toys like vibrators, male masturbators, or dildos. But, if you’re going for a calming, arousing massage, be cautious of the way you use certain toys, Skyler says. For example, a powerful wand vibrator might feel too overwhelming if placed directly on the clitoris for an extended period of time, whereas a clitoral suction toy on a low setting will offer the slow massage-like feeling that feels more aligned with the overall experience. That said, if your partner generally prefers wands and doesn’t want to be massaged to climax, just make sure to take regular breaks from direct clitoral stimulation and graze the toy up and down the inner thighs or nipples instead.

10. Check in throughout the massage.

Not sure if what you’re doing is working? Ask. Whenever you change up speed, pressure, or direction, check in with your partner to see if they’re enjoying it. Use the zero to 10 system to assess and modify touch intensity, but if that feels too clinical at times, you can also ask, “Does this feel good?” and “How do you like this?” in a subtly, sexy way.

11. Spread the love.

This should be a shared experience—if you want it to be. (Of course, if one of you really doesn’t want to get a massage, then breeze right past this tip.) So, make a plan to ensure the giving and receiving is fair and mutual. If you always end up on the giving end, you might start to resent your partner for not reciprocating the same effort, Skyler says.

Set a timer for 20 minutes and swap back and forth. Or, have one person receive one night, and another person receive the next. Either way works, as long as both parties feel like they’re valued and getting what they want out of the experience.

Credit

Cori Ritchey, C.S.C.S.

Published on Women’s Health Mag